


hung up

by shuuuliet



Series: it's hard to love somebody (especially when they don't belong to you) [2]
Category: Psych (TV 2006)
Genre: 4x12: A Very Juliet Episode, Complicated Emotions, F/M, Shules, and in their own way, but mostly this is just juliet pining all the way, jules is trying to be with scott but it's...not working, juliet tries to move on from shawn, light reference to 3x08: Gus Walks into a Bank, oh look it's pining jules, references to 3x16: An Evening with Mr. Yang, references to mutual pining, references to pining shawn, shawn and jules just want to be happy but they can't stop getting in each other's way, slight jealous shawn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-14
Updated: 2020-10-14
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:27:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27011992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shuuuliet/pseuds/shuuuliet
Summary: Juliet's college boyfriend, Scott Seaver, is back in her life, and she should be happy about it. But it turns out things are much more complicated than that, and not just because Scott has been pulled right out of witness protection. No, instead, it's her feelings for a certain psychic that are getting in the way...tag to 4x12: "A Very Juliet Episode". Companion to "strung out".
Relationships: Juliet O'Hara/Shawn Spencer
Series: it's hard to love somebody (especially when they don't belong to you) [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1952488
Comments: 6
Kudos: 17





	hung up

**Author's Note:**

> Well, this turned into a very different piece than I expected to write. Initially, I only meant for this to be a quick “missing scene”—a conversation between Juliet and Scott—and there’s a little of that in here, but this became much more than that.
> 
> NOTE: This is intended as a companion piece to one I put out last week, titled “strung out”, which is a look at Shawn’s feelings and motivations during “A Very Juliet Episode”. It is not necessary to have read that piece in order to understand what’s going on in this one, but I recommend doing so (and not just in a shameless-plug sort of manner, ha) because there are a few references to that piece that appear in this one. 
> 
> As usual, I don’t own Shawn, Juliet, Scott, or Psych. And, like “strung out”, the title of this piece also comes from the song “Strung Out” (1984) by Steve Perry, which is featured prominently in the beginning of “A Very Juliet Episode”.

**_It’s hard to love somebody, especially when they don’t belong to you._ **

Juliet walks towards the train with Scott, feeling a sudden sense of déjà vu. But no, their positions had been reversed the last time, seven years ago—she had been getting on the train, then, not him, and if she’s learned anything in the last few days, it’s that _everything_ has changed over the last seven years.

This time _feels_ different, too, if she’s honest with herself. It feels like closure. It never had before.

Nevertheless, she reminds herself, for the millionth time, to stay in the moment, to really be here with Scott. She owes him that much.

“Seeing you again changed so much in my life,” He says.

“Me too,” she answers. And she means it.

She thinks about the last few days for a moment. So much has happened, and she hadn’t had time to process any of it. And all of it had been complicated, from the very moment she’d shown up at the train station, before she even knew Scott wouldn’t show.

Her distress had been divided, then. She’d tried desperately to convince herself that she was only upset about Scott not showing, but that wasn’t entirely true. It was just that, if he showed, maybe she could have moved on. Maybe not having Shawn, that ache she’d carried with her since the night he’d rejected her at the drive-in, maybe all of that could disappear, fade into the background as she immersed herself in this new future.

“Hugely romantic”, right? Wasn’t that what Scott had called it seven years ago? That was enough to go on, wasn’t it? It had to be, right?

That was why she’d stayed as long as she had. Leaving meant giving up. It meant showing up at work and seeing Shawn every day and feeling like she was going to lose her mind.

So she’d stayed. And stayed. And Scott had never shown up. 

Going to Gus had been a mistake. She knew that now. If she’d never gone to Gus, Shawn never would have gotten involved, and she wouldn’t be staring down the barrel of closure like she was now. She’d told Gus that telling Shawn would be like “opening a wound”, and it had been.

She just hadn’t expected that it would be opening a wound on _her_ end, hadn’t expected the way that Shawn would jump into finding Scott for her, how ready he seemed to be for her to be with Scott again.

True, there had been some moments where it seemed like something like jealousy had flashed in his eyes, when he’d looked at her as Scott held her hand during the chief’s briefing, when he’d burst into the chief’s office at Agent Wayne’s insinuation about the “date” she’d had with Scott…and when he hugged her after they walked through the park together, he’d held on longer than she’d expected, trying to comfort her. But for the most part, he’d been so supportive of her and Scott that she had no idea what to make of it.

He’d looked genuinely excited for her, genuinely happy for her the first time he’d brought Scott into the station, after all. And she’d been excited, too.

After all, not only was Scott _not_ dead, but he was also here, wanting to see her? Maybe this was the moving on she’d hoped for, maybe this was her future.

She _wanted_ Scott to be her future, after all. That had been the whole point of showing up at the train station that day—to free herself, at last, from being so hung up on Shawn, who wasn’t hers to want. That notion had fueled her, motivated her, even after Scott hadn’t shown up.

Her resolve had only been solidified that afternoon that she’d walked through the park with Shawn. Her heart had almost broken as he’d hugged her—it felt _so good_ to be held by Shawn, even though she was still hurting over Scott’s death. If she could have stayed there, in that moment, letting him hold her, she would have, but she forced herself to pull away. If it felt this good to be in Shawn’s arms right _now_ , when she was hurting about Scott, it was even more of a sign that she needed to move on, needed to find some way to be over Shawn.

“Jules, I’m so sorry,” he’d said, as they continued walking after he’d let her go. “I never meant to hurt you, I had no idea what Scott meant to you, and you didn’t deserve that.”

“How could you have known?” She asked. “Gus was—well, he was _supposed to be_ in the vault of secrets.”

“Well, it’s not the first time he’s blown _that,_ ” Shawn said. “Don’t even get me started on the Valentine’s Day Disaster of 1989.”

She laughed, and they kept walking in companionable silence.

“I’m sorry about Scott, though,” he said. “I really am. He made you so…,” he paused, “happy, and you deserve that, Jules, you do. I’m sorry that was taken from you.”

“Thank you, Shawn,” she said gently, catching his eye. “Scott meant a lot to me. And I didn’t expect—well, I just never could have predicted this, you know?”

“ _No one_ could have predicted this.” He answered. “Scott sounds like a great guy. And we’ll look into it, Jules, we’ll figure it out. You don’t have to be involved, if you don’t want to. Me and Gus are on it. And Lassie. And my dad. And you _know_ if I’m _willingly_ getting Lassie and my dad involved…,” he laughed. “I’m all in on this, Jules. We’ll find out what happened to him. We will.”

She smiles weakly in acknowledgement, then shakes her head. “All I was expecting was a cup of coffee,” she said. “And that feels wrong to say, now, but I just wanted to—”, she shrugged, suddenly aware that she was saying more to Shawn than she’d intended, “I don’t know, see where it was going to go.”

“I mean, there’ll be…” he hesitated, as if not sure whether to say what he was going to say. “There’ll be someone else, you know?”

She looked at him, but he wasn’t looking at her, and he looked as though he was almost gritting his teeth. “I don’t know about that,” she said softly. It wasn’t what she’d meant to say, but it was true—she didn’t feel at all certain that there could ever be another Scott, but moreover, she knew for an absolute _fact_ that there was no replacing the man beside her now.

No, with Shawn, there just _wasn’t_ _going to be_ someone else, and she had to make her peace with that.

“Girl like you, Jules? Come on.” He said, his tone recovering, shaking his head. But he said nothing further, offering no elaboration on what he meant by that, and even though she could feel his eyes on her as they made their way back to the station, she’d said nothing else either, feeling once again the necessity of moving on, because the truth was that she couldn’t decide what had hurt worse on that walk—the weight of Scott’s loss or the shock of the sharp pain she’d been forced to feel every time she looked at Shawn since the night they’d caught Mr. Yang.

She had hope, though. Maybe Shawn was right, and there would be someone else, and then she would be okay, then she could learn to forget Shawn.

But then Scott had appeared in the station, and the feeling of hope had…dissipated a little as she kissed him. She wanted to be excited, she wanted this to feel _right_. But this kiss was different; it wasn’t _everything_ , like it had been before. Maybe it had just been too long since they’d seen each other, maybe they just needed to get to know each other again and then all the sparks would come rushing back. There _were_ still sparks, after all. Just…not as many as she’d imagined. It wasn’t what she’d hoped it would be.

In fact, the sparks between her and Scott didn’t even compare to what she’d felt when she’d kissed Shawn on the cheek, back at the drive-in. _That_ kiss had been everything--had flipped her heart inside-out. With _that_ kiss, she’d realized she was all-in, she would wait for Shawn, as long as it took, because she could no longer imagine going on without him, always wanting, wanting, wanting, and never having; the two of them dancing around each other non-stop, when all she wanted was just to hold still. And _that_ had just been a kiss on the cheek.

If that kiss on the cheek after a _rejection_ had blown kissing Scott out of the water, how could she have ever thought she was ready to move on from Shawn, that she could ever _truly_ push her feelings for him aside?

But she couldn’t even dwell on that, at that time--it was all so _overwhelming_ , then. She was crying, and Scott wasn’t dead, and Shawn had found him, and Shawn was watching her kiss someone else, and Scott was in witness protection, and it was all too much, at once. It had been impossible to even begin to process any of it.

And before she knew how she felt about any of it, she was _with_ Scott again, sort of, his hand in hers, his gentle gestures—pushing her bangs out of her eyes—and she couldn’t decide if she wanted him, if all of that felt like what she actually wanted or if it was just nostalgia getting the best of her.

But, overwhelmingly, there was an odd feeling of guilt—she hadn’t been the one to find Scott, that had all been Shawn. She hadn’t searched high and low for him, hadn’t even done any _real_ digging of her own after Shawn had reported that Scott was dead. And all along, she’d only wanted to show up at the train station for a cup of coffee, hoping that seeing Scott might convince her that she was ready to move on from Shawn. She hadn’t meant to do anything nearly as serious as pull him out of witness protection, start a life with him.

And the gut feeling that threaded through her was the dread she’d felt before she’d ever even gone to the train station—it wasn’t enough. Scott, as wonderful as he was and had been, wasn’t the person she wanted to be with. He wasn’t the person that she could be completely herself around anymore. It wasn’t his fault—they’d both changed too much, and she was still in love with someone else—but as hard as she tried to tell herself that being with Scott was a good thing, deep down she knew she didn’t really want it.

Oh, what was _wrong_ with her? Scott was a good person, a great guy. He always had been. He was the kind of guy to risk everything to put a bad person away for good—a value that, as a detective, she held near to her own heart. And, what’s more, he wanted her. He hadn’t hesitated for a moment to show her that she meant something to him, even wanting to start over in Santa Barbara to start a life with her.

So why did all of that feel so wrong, why had it made her panic? Why had it bothered her so much that he’d missed her _Goodfellas_ reference?

She knew the answer to all of that, of course. She was a detective, after all, but even if she hadn’t been, the answer was clear as day—she wasn’t over Shawn. She still wanted him. Even if Scott had shown up at the train station like they’d originally planned and none of this had happened, it couldn’t take away that her heart was Shawn’s, even after everything that happened between them. Shawn would have understood her reference in a heartbeat. Hell, Shawn probably would have made that reference himself.

He just _got_ her, in that way, and being with Scott, rather than teaching her that she could move on, just highlighted all the ways in which Shawn was different, Shawn was better. It made her heart ache _more_ , instead of healing it. What was she supposed to _do_ with that?

Scott had almost caught her, had seemed to realize that she was wrestling with… _something_ , when it came to Shawn, but she hadn’t been able to come clean.

“That Shawn Spencer’s a character, huh?” Scott had asked, as Juliet went to pour them each a glass of wine in her apartment. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful for the guy—I wouldn’t be here without him—but I can’t wrap my head around him. I mean, _psychic_? Really?”

Juliet laughed, hoping that was enough of a response. “Yeah, Shawn has that effect on people.”

“You know, he’s got some kind of crush on you,” Scott had said.

“Oh, Shawn flirts with everyone,” she said dismissively, waving her hand, as she tried to ignore the surge of hope she felt in her chest at his words.

“No, it’s not that. I mean, flirting is one thing, but this was something else.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, it’s just…there’s something in the way he looks at you,” Scott said. “And, it wasn’t exactly a short drive, when he and Gus came up and found me,” He continued. “And he—he would _not_ shut up about you the whole way, all the cases you’ve solved, how everyone in the department is impressed by you, how you’re always looking out for everyone—he just went on and on and on.”

Juliet felt herself blush, but she tried to keep her voice steady, her expression composed. “Well,” she said, “he’s a good friend.” It didn’t even sound convincing to _her._

Scott chuckled lightly. “I don’t know about that.” He said. “You two have seriously never dated?”

Juliet shook her head, a little too quickly, a little too emphatically, but she knew that if she spoke too soon, her voice might betray her. “No,” she finally said, turning her back on Scott as she opened the bottle of wine, trying not to let any hurt leak into her voice, “I’ve never dated Shawn.”

Scott was quiet for a moment. Juliet couldn’t see his face, but the silence felt heavy. “Well, do you—I mean, do you--have feelings for him?” Scott asked, softly.

Juliet still had her back to him, but she felt herself tense in surprise. It was a fair question, and it was a fair question _for Scott to be asking_ , if they were going to make something of this. But the fact that she had to _remind_ herself that it was a fair question was probably something she needed to give a little more thought to.

But not _now_. No, _now_ she still had to answer him.

“A long time ago,” she said, finally. (Did earlier this afternoon qualify as a long time ago?) “And nothing came of it.” She let out a breath, trying not to make it sound like a sigh.

“But Shawn is a good friend,” she continued. “That’s why he—” she stopped herself, having almost admitted that it had been _Shawn_ , not her, that really sought Scott out. “That’s why he came up and brought you down here. He knew it would make me happy.” She smiled at Scott, not allowing herself to dwell on how tight her chest still felt, how forced her smile was. “And it has.”

Scott had accepted that answer, thank God, but the guilt still knotted her up inside. It wasn’t fair—none of it was fair—but she had no idea how to get out of it.

In the end, it was Carlton, surprisingly, who had given her the best advice, even if it came about, oddly, through _Grease_ references—even _Carlton_ got her more than Scott did, proving that there is no end to life’s unpredictability—and it was Carlton’s advice that she took to heart. It had been so sweet to see him fumbling through giving it, to see him caring deeply about her, wanting to be there for her even though he wasn’t entirely used to being someone’s confidant and friend. Even _he_ had noticed right away that she wasn’t sure of her feelings for Scott, and if _he_ noticed, there was no way she could pretend to be fine with moving forward with Scott.

It just wasn’t right, no matter how much she tried to ignore that. But, Lassiter’s point had been a good one; they were different people now than they had been seven years ago, and didn’t that mean Scott deserved a chance? Even if he was never going to _replace_ Shawn—and really, who on earth could replace _Shawn_?—that didn’t mean she couldn’t give it a fair shot.

And she’d almost given it to him.

But then, one second—one glance from Shawn—had changed that. After they’d arrested Agent Wayne, she’d stood there with Scott, letting his hand reach down to cup her face, a breath away from giving him that second chance, and she’d looked over at Shawn, just for a moment.

Even from where she was standing, she could see the pain in his eyes as he watched her, and when he realized she was looking at him, he’d just given her a tiny nod, trying to communicate that it was okay, even as the sadness in his eyes betrayed him.

It hadn’t lasted longer than a second, but it had been enough. A fair shot for Scott wouldn’t be fair at all if her heart just wasn’t in it.

And if she was honest with herself—no matter how much it hurt—her heart just _wasn’t_ in it.

She thought back to what Lassiter had said—“all people are essentially just out there to destroy any chance of happiness you may have had”. That wasn’t true, was it? It wasn’t true of Scott after all; the fact that he hadn’t shown up had nothing to do with not caring to see her.

And, it wasn’t true of Shawn.

She thought about Shawn’s face when he first realized how devastated she was about hearing about Scott’s “death”. She thought of him racing after her, trying to make it right, trying to fix things, even though at the time, they’d both thought things couldn’t be fixed.

And she thought about how Shawn had searched high and low for Scott, not quitting until he’d found him, even though that had caused a lot more complications than he’d realized.

No, it was safe to say that Shawn was _not_ out there to destroy any chance of happiness she may have had. In fact, he seemed to be pretty invested in the opposite. For a second, a memory popped into her head, of something he’d said to her, once, a year ago—“I just want you to be happy.”

He did, didn’t he? The thing was, the last few days had made her realize that what it was going to take to make her happy might just be something only Shawn could give her, even if he hadn’t realized that yet.

It wasn’t going to be Scott. Not now, and probably not a year from now, either.

So she waves to Scott as he gets on the train, blows him a kiss, knowing that with it, she’s saying goodbye. This isn’t what she expected—this is goodbye to Scott, not Shawn. But this _is_ …closure.

And now she’s back to the drawing board.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for reading this piece, as well as its companion piece, if you read that one! I would love to know your thoughts on either work! As of now, I don’t expect to add an additional work to this series, but I may—there’s a lot to play with in “A Very Juliet Episode”! 
> 
> As always, I really, really appreciate all of you that take the time to read my work. It means so much to me. Extra shout-out to those of you that take the time to give feedback in the form of comments and kudos. It always makes my day to receive that encouragement, and I am so grateful.
> 
> Thanks again! Have a great week!


End file.
